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Stormy Seas

Setting Sail aboard the ship of the Argonauts on a healing journey through creativity.

I was named after a star constellation that is the keel of the ship of the Argonauts. Life has led me through some unsettling swells. I recently embarked on a healing journey of discovery, inventing myself anew. Welcome to my continuing adventures in creativity…

I haven’t found an art form I don’t love & am eagerly exploring new styles as often as possible! I have taught classes on everything from funky sock monkeys to feathery Mardi Gras masks; basic jewelry to fairy houses & seasonal decorations to small sculpture with found objects & hot glue. There isn’t a crafting project I wouldn’t enjoy playing around with long enough to teach it to others!

I took my first formal studio art class at the local community college in Fall 2016. My first college class since I graduated with a B.S. in Psychology in 1997. Although just prior to this a friend was unable to determine which stick figure drawing was mine & which was her young granddaughter’s; I did earn an A in Drawing my very 1st term. (I gifted my friend her favorite drawing; the subject matter might have still made it difficult to tell it was drawn by me since it was toys. I had grown enough skills to tell what each toy was though!) Followed up with another A in Painting my 2nd term Winter 2016. I paid for the 1st class with earnings from teaching crafting at the county library & earned free tuition for one class per term when I was hired as part-time assistant librarian at the community college to cover my 2nd & 3rd terms. Although the school was not offering a studio art class Spring term, my professor & academic director collaborated to offer me an independent study course so I could continue my art education without needing to pay out-of-pocket or commute further afield.

Someday I will have enough money from selling my autobiography illustrated with my artwork & public speaking engagements to establish a foundation for offering expressive arts therapy on the coast to a typically underserved rural population. I hope to offer free classes, materials, studio space, gallery space, performance space, etc. Ideally on a large property capable of supporting yurts for weekend or longer retreats for clients to use. I also fully intend to be a public advocate for: Ending the stigma around mental illness, Ending the silence that perpetuates cycles of abuse & Promoting the powerful impact of expressive arts therapy in healing.


Authoress Update

I’m attending undergrad art classes a 2 hr commute from home 3 days a week & living on my own again. Studying ceramics, drawing & design as I prepare my grad school application portfolio. I earned a merit Scholarship to pay for tuition this term thanks to my good grades! I intend to begin writing more blog posts again soon too. I’ll also begin posting pictures of 3D artworks I’ve been working on. At least 1 of the installations I intend to create this term will be classified as “Eco-Art” and hopefully will be integrated into an Oregonian forest trail.

I still struggle with searching for hope and finding frustration.

Yet taking steps towards the impossible goal somehow is as necessary as breathing to me. I may never reach my goal of becoming an Expressive Arts Therapy Advocate, traveling around the world speaking publicly about its benefits. I may never get a Ph.D. or publish books on the subject. I may not practice as an Art Therapist or even get my Master’s in Art Therapy. I might not even get accepted to Graduate school & I sure as heck don’t know how to pay for any of it…


I WILL keep taking whatever steps towards those goals I’m capable of -no matter how many obstacles the world keeps throwing at me!


Recent Events

I am not quite sure when I stopped sleeping a “normal” amount of time. I only know it had been a long time since I had been able to rest for more than 90 minutes every 2nd or 3rd night. I remembered to eat on the days I went to work. When I resigned so I wouldn’t embarrass the school or myself I stopped bothering with food all together unless someone else prompted me. Hunger was a foreign concept which didn’t occur to me. I remember some of the triggers which increased my paranoia. They seemed to snowball into an avalanche rather quickly. I had so many different theories which held together perfectly for me at the time. I miss some of the delusions as reality is a harsh cruel crushing difference from the endless possibilities I saw then. I do believe I am slightly psychic; just lousy at interpreting the signs. I sensed I would not be returning to my apartment. I thought I would go into witness protection & either be able to stay incognito under a new name nearby or be listed as dead & travel with a body guard or solo with complex check in system. I sensed I would lose those I cared for most, just didn’t realize that would include all 3 of my cats. I thought I was finally going to receive the kind of care I was denied as a child. Never did I have an inkling that would mean foster care with strangers. Self Esteem has never been something I had an abundance of and now I find myself deprived of it completely. I couldn’t have possibly dreamed the costs to my soul. My dreams of helping others by becoming an expressive arts therapist; of traveling the world giving interviews & speeches on the best way to revolutionize the systems for dealing with psychiatric health issues & care all died. I have no hope for a future that is not one of misery. I continue to live solely to prevent worse pain for those who still care for the idea of my existence. I suffer because I know not what else exists. Every time I have fought my hardest for what I believed in everything I built has been ripped to shreds & I do not believe in possibilities any longer. I crave & often seek comfort but only in little things now as asking for what I need results in cruel mocking from fate instead. Time passes still but has no meaning beyond the calendar & clock. Ticking its way through a line that seems determined to cross out any positive meaning my life might have held. Barriers to becoming someone who can help children or adults who have shared in suffering of the same nature as my childhood inflicted on me leap to heights beyond my ability to climb despite the solemn vow I pledged to myself at age 8. I keep seeking to take baby steps towards a goal I no longer believe attainable & even those tiny goals are withheld from my grasping reach. Is there a point? Why do I keep wanting there to be one?


Thanks 4 All the LoVe duRING my much needed inTerVeNTion. I’m ​finaL? @ hoME in my OwN SkIN. Also: Back frOm a temporarily interupted hospital stay -while Dr’s assisted in helping find soME bAL@Nce. ManiA reduced to a MAn@geABLE LeVeL. I WILL B tAking CAre of M?SeLF 1sT 4 a While… With heLp From gRE@ TeAMmaTeZ!!! Thanks for believing in me when I had forgotten how to…

Re-blogged because I believe it too

Threes Difficulties arrive in waves, lending weight to the theory of threes, the plunging fund, a failed engagement, the self’s doubt, all combined to inflict the particular misery of the ongoing, the continued, inelegant fate that declares us human. Look, she says, the hummingbird flits from leaf to flower, its wings beating 58 times a […]

via Threes — O at the Edges

Personal Update:

I just got home from a short stay in an emergency critical care psych ward yesterday. I might need to go into a group home temporarily if I can’t hack the intensive outpatient program I’m being referred to next week.

Thanks to everyone who has influenced my healing journey & taught me valuable lessons…

I’m still struggling with mania at the moment…

Fantasy & Reality are blurring into

a strange blend in my mind.

Either I’m more psychic than I realized


crazier than I wanted to admit



I just might be a High functioning Autistic Savant in:

the Arena of:

Creative Healing through Expressive Arts therapy. ..

Regardless of the diagnosis:

I can still win by losing…

mY Gr1p

Writing Prompts:


I would like to thank purpleorangesite for this amazing award! I am sooooo sorry it took me forever to post this and thank you again!! Please go check out purpleorangesite if you haven’t already!

The Rules.

  • Thank the person(s) who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog
  • Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you
  • Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or on your blog

The Questions Given To Me:

What would you ask for, if you knew the answer would be a Yes?

A trip around the world to speak publicly regarding the urgent need to end stigmas surrounding seeking mental/emotional health issues.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?


Invent your own word, what does it mean?

Fh0/\/iX: hooked on phonic semantics worked for me…

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

If it could be a dead person I would want to have dinner with DaVinci

& if it has to be a living person it would probably be Michael Franti.

What would you rate 10/10?

Original Creative Expressionz’ of soul passions…

What question can you ask to find out the most about a person?

What do you value most in your life?

What would be the title of the current chapter of your life?

It would probably be:  What do you think you need m(*)ST 2 become A heaLthi<>er version of yourself?

If you could make a 20-second phone call to yourself at any point in your life at present or future, When would you call and what would you say?

“I would call myself back when I was depressed and self harming and tell myself that it really does get better, just keep believing and doing your best.” Totally stole this from the blogger who nominated me because it is something I’ve been actively working on singing to my younger self from my future self & it finally brought me home to be present in my presence…

What’s something that happened or something that someone said, changed how you view the world?

“You can do anything you put your mind to…That’s not really practical or realistic… Let’s agree to disagree…”

‘Try for a nTH DEgreA anyway’

What book impacted you the most and why?

The Wheel of Time book series because: a sect of  characters in the novels are unable to lie with their words; while still being able to obscure their true intentionZ’ behind convoluted wordINGz…

 If life is a game like some people say what would some of your rules be?

See Mind-full-ness Gamez’ Post on my blog…

See My other blog posts & / 0R FaceBook 4 your own writing prompts…

My nominees are:

Anyone who wants to do this award!!

For more awards click here.

And if you enjoyed this post don’t forget to like, follow, share and comment!

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Yet Again…

I’m still working on



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My Self